I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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