Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
