the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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