quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
honey bunches of taint.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
