she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
