i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
