I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
