Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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