my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
