a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
