When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
