You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
