There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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