Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
