Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
