do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
