Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
