It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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