We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
