Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
