i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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