needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
