He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
