All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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