So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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