i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
