Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
