the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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