am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
