she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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