I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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