if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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