I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
