Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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