If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
