There was a lot of him and a little penis
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
