I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
