o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
