did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
