Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
