I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
