Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
