I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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