Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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