She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
