She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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