True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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