He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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