BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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