I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
