The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
