Dual....:-)
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
